CELTIC STATEMENT: CONDESCENDING, TONE-DEAF AND... AI GENERATED??
- BY LIAM CARRIGAN
- 8 hours ago
- 4 min read
As if getting in bed with The S*n newspaper yesterday in a clandestine attempt to undermine our manager wasn’t bad enough, the powers that be at Celtic put out a statement last night that succeeded only in pouring a few more gallons of petrol onto an ever-expanding bonfire of fan anger.
At no point in the statement is there even a semblance of contrition, empathy or constructive attempts to engage with the wider fanbase.
It’s more of the same, and if the analysis I’m about to share is correct, it’s even lazier than usual.
Was the Latest Celtic Statement Even Written by A Real Person? Evidence Suggests Not
I said yesterday in my deconstruction of the Celtic Board’s cowardly collaboration with The S*n newspaper, that their biggest mistake is thinking that they are smarter than the typical Celtic supporter. Furthermore, their behavior seems to indicate that really think we are stupid.
One thing I learned from my time as a teacher was how to spot text that had been machine-translated or, more recently, artificially authored either in whole or in part by an AI bot.
Academics have now developed tools to help with speedier detection of AI altered or AI created work, to help combat cheating in tests, essays and so on.
So, one enterprising Celtic fan decided to run this latest Celtic Statement, and its claims that “we’re listening”, that they “welcome dialogue”, and that they are “always willing to learn lessons” through an AI detection algorithm.
Here’s what it had to say. Remember this is an academic tool, used by some of the world’s top universities and schools to detect AI-generated content.
It concluded that there was a 59% probability that this statement was AI generated. To quote the analysis directly: “We are highly confident that this text looks AI generated.”
Now, of course, a 59% probability isn’t a “slam dunk” in terms of evidence, but there is a bit more.
The analysis provides a further breakdown of its conclusion. In other words, how did it come up with this 59% figure?
The “probability analysis” i.e. the likelihood of who or what wrote this statement gives out the following.
There is only a 33% chance that this statement was authored entirely by a human. There is a 17% probability that it used a mix of AI and human input, and that leaves a 50% probability that the whole thing was created artificially using an AI bot.
Now, even if, and remember there’s only a 1 in 3 chance that this is the case, Celtic’s latest statement was written entirely by a human, it’s so distant, machine-like and lacking in emotional depth or human empathy that it’s triggering AI detecting software.
In the very best-case scenario for the Celtic Board, it proves they are even more disconnected from and contemptuous towards the ordinary Celtic fan than we thought.
At worst, it shows that their arrogance is such they can even be bothered to write their own condescending statements to talk down to us anymore.
Again, I’m sure the Celtic Board thinks this is the end. They think “that’s it, we’ve said our piece, now the peasants will go back to quietly buying the merch and showing up for matches without fuss.”
They couldn’t be more wrong.
It certainly doesn’t take an AI bot to tell you that a hit-piece in The S*n followed up by a totally non-committal statement that refuses to accept any culpability on the Celtic Board’s part, is not going to pacify an already furious fanbase.
Maybe, instead of investing all this money on AI algorithms to spam us with merchandize sales ads, and software to block fans from accessing Celtic TV, in the absence of any legal means to pay to watch the game, the club should actually take the step of listening to and speaking with real supporters.
And I mean, actual, everyday fans. Not hand-picked groups and supporter associations, who wouldn’t dare risk their current positions of privilege by asking the questions of the board that truly need answered.
Being in Japan, I am fortunate enough to have a head start on this one, but I fully expect several other fan sites and the mainstream Scottish press to have a field day with this statement as well over the next few hours.
Describing it as amateurish would be an insult to the thousands of amateur artists and creators out there who genuinely try to make something original every day without want of reward.
We’ve had enough. The old token response and performative gestures of secret meetings with select fan groups won't cut it anymore. The board needs to get with the program and actually start having real conversations with those who pay their grossly inflated salaries.