KUHN WANTS AWAY? IT MUST BE DERBY DAY
- BY LIAM CARRIGAN
- Mar 16
- 3 min read
When I woke up this morning, I looked at the news, and saw “Celtic Star Drops Cryptic Exit Hint” as a banner headline I was worried.
Then I remembered, we’re playing Rangers today and it’s the Daily Record.
“Cryptic” Quote is Nothing of the Sort
So apparently Nicholas Kuhn is unsettled at Celtic, if you believe the Record. Thankfully, most of us have the good sense not to believe anything they say, especially on derby weekend.
Their “exclusive source”: a machine-translated single line of text, from an interview given to Sportschau, a German sports magazine. Of course, the text is also taken woefully out of context.
If the reporter were reaching any further, we could probably get them a gig with The Fantastic Four.
What Did Kuhn Say?
Kuhn said: “Everyone who loves football has to come to Glasgow”. The Record mistranslated this as “Anyone who loves football has to have been here in Glasgow”. This sly switching of tenses is a common linguistic trick, deployed when the writer wants to imply something is over, when indeed it’s still ongoing.
As Always, Context is Key
Now, I don’t speak German, but I looked up the interview and tried my own hand at machine translation. It will surprise no-one, that when you read the entire interview, things become much clearer and far less sensational. Even allowing for some creative leeway with the, at times, obtuse way German translates to English, there’s still nothing to this story.
At no point did Kuhn hint at wanting to leave Celtic. In fact, the full article implies quite the opposite.
No Competing Ambitions
The Daily Record article pitches the idea that Kuhn would have to leave Celtic to become a full international with Germany. However, nothing in the original German article states this. In fact, the original piece seems keen to emphasize the German FA’s open-mindedness about capping players from outside the top 5 European Leagues.
In the wake of his goal, and Celtic’s incredible showing in the Allianz Arena against Bayern Munich last month, there has plenty of talk among pundits in Germany that a call-up for Die Mannschaft may be coming for Kuhn sooner than we expect.
On a side note, the fact that the Record report erroneously refers to the German national side as “Der Mannschaft” adds further credence to my theory that the writer probably doesn’t have much of a grasp on the German language, or common sense for that matter.
A Non-Story, As We Already Knew
Kuhn is under contract at Celtic for another 4 years. Nothing that Google Translate tells the Daily Record is going to change that.
If Celtic continue to progress in Europe, then Kuhn will get all the international exposure he needs to earn that deserved call-up.
An Admission?
But I think perhaps the final word on this latest abortive attempt at sports writing should go to the Daily Record themselves.
The penultimate paragraph of the article in question ends: “It’s possible he’ll stay at Celtic for a few more years.”
In other words, “Thank you, dear gullible reader, for wasting 5 minutes of your life reading this trash, and the accompanying deluge of ads, but it is, in actuality, total b*llocks!”
Continuing to Disrespect the Reader
It’s not shocking that this kind of guff gets past the Daily Record sports desk, especially today of all days. What does shock me however, is that they seem to genuinely believe that there are still some Celtic supporters out there stupid enough to buy into it.
Still, at least it’s another one off of my Derby Day Bingo Card!