CELTIC GLASGOW DERBY PRE-MATCH STATEMENT: WHAT IT ACTUALLY MEANS
- BY LIAM CARRIGAN
- May 4
- 2 min read
As anyone who has ever worked in PR will tell you, there’s often a dividing line between what you want to say, and what you are actually allowed to say.
However, for those willing to read deeper into things, or those of us with a bit of a mischievous streak, we can sometimes uncover the true meanings or intents behind these words and statements.
Celtic Issue a Warning to Fans Headed to Glasgow Derby
So, just for a bit of fun, I decided to look at the pre-match information for fans that Celtic shared on their official website last night, and see if we can determine what they actually meant to say.
The statement opens with: “The possession and use of fireworks, smoke bombs, firecrackers and all pyrotechnics are absolutely prohibited, due to the serious risk to spectator safety.”
What they really mean is: “Ok Bhoys, leave the fireworks at home. It’ll be more fun to set them off later anyway, to annoy your dejected Sevconian neighbours as they return home.”
The statement continued: “As always, safety for the match rests with Rangers FC and Police Scotland who have the final say on all matters.”
I choose to interpret this as: “Watch out for each other folks, we all know that neither Rangers nor the Police have the competence or the initiative to look after you properly.
Be prepared for them to use any and every excuse to make your day as uncomfortable as possible though.
“Don’t say we didn’t warn you”.
Celtic’s Statement added: “Fans will be filtered on to the stadium footprint from Broomloan Rd and towards the turnstiles.”
I’m not quite sure what “filtering fans” means, but hopefully it involves some kind of inoculation or distribution of protective gear for the various germs, pollution and rogue genetic material that populates Ibrox on a matchday!
Celtic also said: “Please note the Stadium is cashless”.
Yeah, we already knew that. Hence why The Rangers Board have been begging, pleading and generally humiliating themselves for the past several months, hoping against all hope that the Americans will buy them!
The Statement concludes: “A holdback at full time will be result dependent and details will be announced towards the end of the match.”
In other words: Hopefully the good guys are four-nil up by half time. This would, probably, mean that most of those mutants in the home end will have decided to make a run for the subway by the hour mark.
With this, by full time, the Celtic support can leave Snake Mountain safely. After a wee bit of post-match gloating of course.
At least, this how I chose to interpret Celtic’s pre-match statement. I could be wrong!
All joking aside, if you’re going to the game today, stay safe folks. Here’s hoping it's another famous Celtic Glasgow Derby victory.
