Kent Clark

I’m sitting in a city centre bar watching my beloved Celtic utterly collapse yet again. This time it’s in Europe that we fold quicker than I do in Dry January. Against any kind of quality opposition, we seem to become an absolute shambles of a team the minute they put any real pressure on us - either physically or with any sort of quality play. We look uncoached, lack a style of play of any real substance, and at times appear tactically naive. I thought the guys at the table in front of me...

The following excerpt is from the diary of an imaginary football club with a well meaning but inept chief executive and features his friends and colleagues such as the finance guy Kris the Irish shareholder Daddy Dearest or Double D for short. All of this is entirely made up and couldn't really happen at a football club. Could it? Monday First day of a new week, so I spent 20 minutes wiping down my whiteboard and setting out my objectives for the week. They haven't changed in years, and I...

While doing the weekly shop, I turned into my second-favourite aisle in the supermarket: the biscuit aisle. You'll know this to be true by the size of my arse. I did this just as I was contemplating our final day of transfer activity before the European deadline slams shut. It started to make me think that maybe, for once, we were bringing in quality biscuits rather than the bags of broken ones the club purchased last January. As you will all know, any packet of quality, dunkable delights...